Saturday, February 22, 2014

After-thought-ness

I have come to the realization today that I have been an "after thought" in a lot of my relationships (not all, but a lot of the major ones). My family doesn't think to call me when there's trouble or even good news. I am not the person who gets invited to parties very often.  I'm often told "oh I forgot about you" or "oh I forgot today was your day" and I am often the very last person to hear about something fun going on in the lives of my friends and family.

For example, for Valentines Day, knowing my fella has a sweet tooth I bought him a card and box of chocolate covered cherries. He left town for the weekend to go hang out with his son. I got a kiss when he got back. A few days later I got a card and "I will get you some candy when it goes on clearance." Not because he can't afford to buy me candy but because he actually forgot about me. Yes he gets points for going to see his son but he loses them for forgetting about me. Now he's out of town again and I really don't expect I'll be getting that candy when he gets back this time either.

Another  example: one niece moved to Seattle recently. I didn't hear anything about it from my family until she had been gone for a couple months. Another neice ended up in the hospital after throwing a fit and taking some pills. She is fine and everything is ok but nobody called me to let me know what was going on. My family doesn't call me. I call them. Also, more than once I have had a client say "well, we forgot you were coming today so we did this and that and so don't really have anything for you to do today." I've heard about friend's parties after the fact and they say, "Oh well I didn't think you would want to come." Is that a euphemism for "we didn't really want you there"?

What is it about some people that they are the first person we call when things are crazy in our lives, or theres a party to go to, or something to commemorate? Why do we never forget that one persons' birthday or to send them a card at Christmas? Or the ones who get gigantic bouquets of flowers at work from their spouse or significant other? How about those who always get the fabulous gifts for their birthdays that show someone took copious amounts of time to find just the right thing for them? Seriously, I do understand that folks get busy with life and families and works and all. I get it. I get busy too. And I don't always call everyone I think of in a day either. But really, is there some quality about those people that makes them unforgetable to us? If so, what is it? I would truly like to know.

I don't want to be the last person anyone thinks of for whatever reason. I worry that maybe I reflect that "after-thought-ness" onto myself so that when people see me they think "well she doesn't think much of herself so that must be the right way to treat her." I know that how we project ourselves is how others see us. I want to be valued, needed, cared about and definitely not taken for granted or last on the list of people important to others. So I am trying to figure out how to change that about myself. I definitely welcome positive helpful suggestions if you have any.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Catchup

It's time for me to do the regular/irregular catching everyone up on whats new with me. I know, I know... I should do this on a regular basis but I am still internet impaired here. So here's what's up...

First, I worked for a fish processing plant in Valdez, AK for about 6 weeks then got transferred to the Sitka, AK plant and finished out the salmon season there. Then, I went back to Stevens Point and packed up most all my crap into boxes, broke up with Ray, and flew back to Alaska. I currently live on a tugboat in Sitka, still working for the fish processing plant and having myself a blast. I am working on getting school paid up so I can get back to work on that. For internet access I have to walk either to the library or McDonald's so I don't get online much. Maybe after Christmas I will get myself one of those nifty cell phones that also work as a hotspot so I can get my butt online more often. In the meantime, y'all will have to deal with sporadic updates from me.

Update on the weight loss, I'm currently down to 138 and wearing a girl's size 14 jeans. This is freaking me out just a little bit and I would like it to stop but so far no dice. Well, it's crazy and something will give soon enough I'm sure. It's not like I am eating like a saint. I eat whatever I want to eat I'm just eating tiny portions of it.

And just to let y'all know... it's snowing over McDonald's where I am sitting now and sunny and gorgeous a couple miles out. Must say I love this state. Anyway, sorry the update is so short this time but I need to get back to the boat... I'm hosting Thanksgiving for a few friends who don't have family here and will not be going home for the holidays and have a ton of things to do to get ready. See you soon!

Friday, June 29, 2012

What I Did On My Summer Vacation: Part 1

My vacation officially began on the 12th of June so forgive me for being a little remiss in posting here.  I've been in Spanaway, WA for many days now and I haven't slowed down too terribly much. Between visiting with my brother and his family and trying to get temporary work I've been a busy girl. It's been fun for the most part, the visiting with the family has been anyway. We have grilled out, talked till we were hoarse, laughed as we reminisced over our childhoods (my face still hurts from laughing so hard) and in general have just had a great time as a family.

I do think the temp agency I hired on with is practicing some sort of weird discrimination. Here's the thing, I went in and signed up and then sat for the rest of the day while everyone else was sent out on jobs. Even the 3 guys that came in pretty late in the afternoon got sent out within 15 minutes of being hired on. To pick up trash on the beach no less. All 3 were wearing clothes that looked brand new (yes including their shoes). Several ladies that came in had long perfectly manicured nails and got sent out too. I came in wearing jeans and sneakers and while my nails are painted they are short and trimmed. I had taken a shower so I know I wasn't stinky but dang... really? Everyone else gets a job except me? Am I putting off an "I'm too cute to pick up trash" vibe? Ah well, there's always tomorrow right? So I put my name on the weekend sign up sheet and never heard a word. Maybe I AM just too cute for manual labor? Going to take my resume and work history in tomorrow though and see if that helps. I dunno, though, how to tone down the cuteness... it's just not an easy thing you know?

Mentioned the fact that I sat there all day to my bro who told me don't worry about it he will pay me for the work I have been doing around here. Which is very cool but I am just happy to be able to help them out. I remember what it was like to have a young family to support and working long hours. Nothing was ever really clean clean and I always felt guilty for having a messy house when people would show up unannounced. But then I was blessed with amazing friends who would show up to help me out once in a while and so I figure the best thing to do is pay it forward and help out my brother. Hey what's family for right?

So I am back on Twitter but possibly not when I hit Valdez. I hope they have internet there that doesn't involve a dial up modem and a team of sled dogs to power it. Oh and the travel arrangements so far involve me leaving Seattle at 10am on the 3rd of July and then hanging out in the Anchorage airport for 3 hours until I make my connecting flight at 5:00pm. It's going to be a REALLY long day and i do hope they don't expect us to head for work immediately. Oh well, I shall sleep as much as possible on the planes and then drink lots of caffeine when I get there if they do.

Vacation has messed up my workout and diet though. I am drinking coffee again, I have not walked anywhere further than the bus stop since I got here. Lots of wine out by the fire at night certainly hasn't helped either nor has staying up til 6 in the morning visiting. Ah well, i will be back on track soon enough. Despite all the laziness I still managed to lose another 5 pounds putting me down to 160. Not much left to go before the end is in sight. I do have a feeling I am going to be about 130 pounds by the time I get home though. Hope that's not too skinny :( I wouldn't be happy if people started telling me I needed to gain weight again.

Well that's the latest from this corner of the globe. See ya soon! sending lots of love and hugs to all you wonderful peeps!


Thursday, June 14, 2012

Adventure Part 1- In Washington

Well, y'all I have made it to Washington, safe and sound. I am currently staying with my brother and family. It's so nice to get to spend some time with them even though the kids are still in school here and of course the bro and sis-in-law work a lot. I am trying to figure out a way to make a couple grand in a few days time so I can pay some bills at home and have a little bit of spending money here. Not that I need much here but a couple more sets of clothes might be a good idea, lol. I do wish I would have brought a heavier hoodie though. OMG! Is it cold here!!!! I was whining about how hot it was in Wisconsin and then I got here and I am freezing my booty off. I may have to break down and hit the Goodwill for a warmer jacket soon. Anyway, at the moment there is not much else to report. Still waiting on my 401K to get disbursed so Ray can pay a few of the bills there at home. And keeping my fingers crossed that I will get a call from the canneries soon so I can go to work. I need to be makin' da money... not spendin it!!
I do have a few plans to wander around and see the sights after I finish a few chores around the house. My brother and his family live less than a block away from a lake so you know I have to go check that out. And of course, if you have me on Facebook you know that before I left Wisconsin I did the tourista thing and got my picture taken with the Hodag. It really reminds me of the Thing in "Where the Wild Things Are." I wonder if that's where the author got the idea for it?



As for an update about my weight... according to my SIL's scale I am currently 160 lbs. YAY! Only 10 pounds left to goal weight. I do wonder if I will keep losing once I get to 150 lbs and am kind of nervous about hitting maintenance mode soon. My tummy is almost flat now with just a little bitty pooch when I stand up. And that is all wrinkly. It's kinda gross, but maybe in a couple of years I will have things tightened up. Mainly my arms bug me because I can see the muscle definition but still have the saggy batwings going on. But, I am finally healthy and feeling good so I guess it's a fair trade off. Ok, ok so secretly I wish I were hot and sexy and firm and tight everywhere, sue me.
Anywho peeps, I am outa here for now since my battery is about to die and I can't smoke and be on the net in the house. Catch ya lata!

Monday, June 4, 2012

May Update

Okay so I'm way late. Sorry. Just a quickie update this time too. So my weight hovered around 173 most of the month... yay for stalls! not!! But my measurements went down so that was good news. Current measurements are:
l ankle 8.5
r ankle 8.5
l calf 14.75
r calf 15.25
l thigh 21.5
r thigh 22.25
hips 38.25
waist 35
chest 40
shoulders 21
neck 14.25
l bicep12.5
r bicep 13
l forearm 10
r forearm 10.25
l wrist 7
r wrist 7
Unfortunately I can not find my April measurements which means they are still in my notebook and I will need to get them typed up. (adding that to the to do list for before I leave.)
So far for the month of June I am currently wearing a 32 jeans with plenty of breathing room. And this morning I was 168. Very much liking that number. that means only 18 pounds to goal. I can so deal with 18 pounds to go.
Anyway y'all I am frantically getting ready to go off to Alaska for the rest of the summer. I may or may not have internet access and/or phone. But I will definitely be around as much as I can. Would love to hear from you while I am gone.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

3 Month Anniversary-VSG

I refuse to call it my surgiversary. I am not a fan of the word. However I have reached the 3 month mark and I have accomplished a lot in that 3 months. Aside from the weight loss, I started a vlog. I don't know how I feel about that yet. I don't think I will be doing daily posts. I am too much of a perfectionist I think. I want them to be good because I know that people are watching them and if I think I would be bored watching them then I kind of feel like all y'all will be too.
Another thing I accomplished was to get my workouts up to 6 days a week. That's going from zero workouts a week people. Let me tell ya what it's hard to get my ass out of bed every morning at 5am. But I am doing it.

So here's the time line of what I have done so far in the New Year New Me transformation...
January 26th- vertical sleeve gastrectomy surgery
February 8th- Snap-On Smile
March 16th- Wig and colored contacts
April 27th- School
May 31st- Quit my job

Upcoming transformations-
June- Quit Smoking/Help Ray get his business up and running again
July- Get the home spaces organized/yard sale (unless I am in Alaska working)
August- Work on the wedding business
September- ??
October- ??
November-??
December-??

Adventures of a Lifetime

I've come to realize something somewhat profound. Life is short. I know, I know we hear it all the time. But how many of us really stop to think about what that means? I know I didn't for a long time. Dodging the cancer bullet for the second time in 4 years has really made me rethink a lot of things about my life. I don't want to wake up one morning and realize I have only a few weeks or months left and I haven't done anything I wanted to do. So... To that end I am making a list of of what's important to me and what I want to do with the time I have left on this planet however long that may be. When I die I want to be able to say I did everything I wanted to do, went everywhere I wanted to go and loved everyone I needed to love. I am not hanging on to old hurts anymore, it's a waste of precious time anyway. I want to take care of the important things like seeing my children and grandchildren, spending time with people I love and care about, seeing the wondrous beauty of this planet, experiencing something different than what I have always known. I do not want to waste time dealing with stuff that isn't going to mean a thing in the world to me when I leave this plane of existence.

I need to get organized though. Not just a list of things I want to do but get mundane things like all the boxes of paperwork gone through and the really important stuff organized. I need to get Ray up to speed on how to take care of the bills that I pay online. I need to get my stuff down to the really important things and make a list of who gets what. My dresser needs to be cleaned off. I have books to go through and figure out which I really want to keep and which are just taking up space. I have a stack of notebooks to go through and get rid of all the lists and keep the tarot and oracle readings. And the list goes on.

I took a gigantic leap of faith and quit my job thinking I was going to go up to Alaska and work in the canneries but so far no one has hired me on. So now I am wondering if I was actually supposed to quit the job. I need some guidance from the universe on how to proceed and if I did the right thing. Well, I know i did the right thing in quitting the job, I have absolute certainty on that one. Maybe I am supposed to take some time to get my self organized before moving on to the next thing. I know the universe has abundant supply for me. I just have doubts about my ability to recognize when that supply is being presented to me.

For now the plan is to take some time after the job is over to get things organized here at home. I don't know what else to do.